Agent Dylan slowed his pace as he approached the high end hotel where his target was staying. Just as he had been trained, he quickly approached the guard at the front doors and prepared to disarm him. Slapping on a pair of pink sunglasses he walked up to the doors. The burly guard grunted in disgust and pretended not to see the big man in pink sunglasses standing in front of him.

“Hey there! I’ve got a tazer joke for you!” exclaimed Dylan a little too loud for comfort.

With embarrassment for the pink sunglass adorned man in front of him, the guard gruffly replied, “Sure, whatever. Get a move on.”

“Knock, Knock!”

“Fine then, I’ll humour you…If you’ll leave right after. Who’s there…”

Before the guard even had time to finish the intended response, Dylan had whipped out an oversized pocket taser from the 90’s and gave the guard a good zap in the face. Screaming like a girl with a mix of shock, and horror the guard didn’t even bother to fight back. Instead, he ran off down the street yelling something in half Italian about how he hated the “stupid Americans who just couldn’t keep their tasers to themselves”.

With apparent smugness, Dylan strolled through the revolving doors into a brightly lit lobby with adorned marble flooring. He hurried across the large room as fast as possible without drawing attention to himself and boarded the elevator. As the elevator music began, Dylan flashed back to the day he had joined the FISH, Federal Intelligence Spy Hangout. Looking at himself in the elevator mirror, Dylan pulled up his belt buckle up tight as he felt a sense of pride in his career achievements. He had rescued a little girl from a hostage situation involving a man with an air gun and taken bullets in the foot one night when a drunk had accidentally fired his sidearm. He quickly became a legend with the local police department. FISH, who told him they had their eye on him for a long time, secretly requested he come work for them. He received a new codename, “Dylan”, a new identity, and passed the “training for disabled agent’s” exam. Now it was his time to prove he could do better.

His target, a FISH highly wanted international stuffed animal thief, had acquired the hotel penthouse. No doubt he paid for his room with the money he made from fake limited edition stuffed bunny sales, thought Dylan, proud of his own skill in deduction. The elevator bell chimed and the sleek brushed metal elevator doors slid smoothly open. Dylan slid his tranquilizer pistol from it’s holster and loaded a dart. Walking up to the penthouse door he rammed his full body weight against it, forcing it to break open at the hinges. He coughed loudly as he levelled his gun through the cloud of woodchips and dust, he realized he was looking straight at a group of men sitting around a table of stuffed animals. With horror it dawned on him, this wasn’t any old guys night out, these were the leading creators of all limited edition stuffed animals! Fluffy Joe and his legendary fur jacket, Bill Stuffmor and his son, and many more of the leading stuffed animal creators sat with Dylan’s target, the evil international stuffed animal thief.

If FISH had know about this meeting they wouldn’t have sent him, Dylan thought. Something big is going down. Pulling himself back together he focused back on the table.

“What are you doing here?” he commanded them to give an answer in an obviously fake English accent. None of the men, shocked by the sight of a pink glasses-wearing guy with a tranc gun showing up in their lair, dared answer until Fluffy Joe squeaked,

“I surrender! I only wanted to make more fluffy things!”

“Great help you are,” mumbled Dylan.

Suddenly there was an explosion of shattering glass as black-ops commandos swarmed in through every side of the penthouse. Swarming around the table, the commandos shouted commands like “Get on the ground!” and “Drop the stuffed animal!” Through the confusion Agent One, the big boss, strutted up to Dylan and flipped up his dark shades.

“Unfortunately we only received intelligence about the illegal deal going down here today after you left on your mission, Dylan.” Agent One informed him in a thick British accent. “For all your hard work and trouble, I now promote you…too…whatever the rank above whatever you are now. You are dismissed!” Agent One coughed uncomfortably, turned on his heel and disappeared into the crowd of massive black-ops.

Once again, Agent Dylan felt he had saved the day; he was the hero. Once again, he was oh so wrong.

Google: “Official Name Change”

Early in March, 2010, the mayor of Topeka signed a proclamation that for the duration of the month, the town would be known as “Google”. This seemingly outrageous action turns out to be an attempt at promoting the central US state capitol as a central hub of Google’s new lightning fast network testing. In return, Google decided to prank the world by announcing their change of name to “Topeka” in honor of the town changing it’s name to “Google”. Their April fools blog post really didn’t fool many people as the such an announcement really came as a bit over the top although very well executed.

Youtube: Textp saves bandwidth and new design shocks world.

For a moment, Youtube’s “Textp” almost seemed like it could possibly be a real, although slightly silly project. The idea was that “Textp” could be selected instead of High Definition to save Youtube’s monthly bandwidth bill.

Unfortunately, the extremely eye pleasing ACSII text effect rendering was disabled by Youtube at the end of the day causing a huge stir of discontent among users who missed out. To top it off, Youtube released a new site design the same day causing most users to think the over-simplified new look was another April fools joke. With a new style looking like it was made by a novice web developer and an awesome April fools joke which was disabled after only one day, Youtube lost plenty of brownie points with it’s users. Let’s just hope they find a way to earn them back with something groundbreaking.

In June 2000, Bush ran and won the US Presidency. His views which demanded for a shift in policy for amendments banning abortion, gender-neutral marriage, carbon emissions controls, and immigrant work program won him much support. Even so, he received a huge anti war response when he sent US troops into Iraq because of terrorism by Iraqi President, Saddam Hussein. Two million people marched through London and many riots started. People in England who knew almost nothing about what was really going on decided they didn’t want to be paying taxes to send their troops to fight a war. The biggest hit was yet to come when on September 11, 2001, I drew back, shocked, when I saw the iconic twin towers billowing smoke. Only months into his presidency, Bush had to deal with the loss of hundreds of lives as the buildings fell, struck by hijacked planes.

Despite all the major events and economic crises, Bush stood firm in his values and guided the United Stats to a path of peace and strength. A few of his actions include bailing out American International Group for eighty-five billion, dealing with soaring oil prices, and trying to hold on to the dollar’s value during the longest post-World War II recession ever. He lived his presidency as a light in the midst of much confusion and degrading morals and demonstrated amazing leadership skills as our country went through some tough events. Even today, I pray for him that he will continue to use his skills, out of presidency, for the good of our nation. Promoting Godly foresight made George Walker Bush an incredible leader and role model who I will look up to for the rest of my life.

… it would cover 350 million sheets of paper, which is 37 times the number of pages used in bills introduced in the United States Congress since 1955…

… the paper would weigh three and a half million pounds, the equivalent of 82 school buses fully loaded with 84 happily tweeting kid…

… and did nothing but read tweets throughout the entire work day, it would take 2,912 years to get through it…

… and laid the pages end to end, they would stretch 60,763 miles or two and a half times around the earth…

… on an average HP Inkjet printer, it would cost you $24,500,000 to print in black ink or $55,606,250 to include the Twitter blue…

… keeping up with the 26 million tweets daily would require 30 inkjet printers working around the clock to print more than 1,300,000 pages every day…

Along with this I’ve made a few additions to my previous site’s features including:

- Snazy Dropdown Menus

- Popular Post Rankings

– Comment System! (this one’s been outta commission for a while!)

- Friend Links

- MyMusic Gallery

- Tools (freebies for all!)

If you are a friend of mine and have an online dwelling, send me your linkz and i’ll be sure to linkback!

Happy new year! I’ve had another great year and I’m excited for this next one! Over here in London,England we had an amazing display of fireworks, check them out!

YAY! After much pain and suffering, i’ve finally finished my first completely XHTML and CSS compliant theme with lots of eye candy to go with it. I’ve imported all of VividPerfection.com posts and I’m deliberating what I should now do with that domain. I may use it as the name for my (planned) new web development studio instead of the name Crysix Studios.

I’ve also fixed the email subscriptions so all you people wondering why they aren’t receiving subscription emails can rest at ease.

Does Santa Clause even Exist? Well…

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

Find out the true story of Santa Clause (or so we think) here.